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Sunday, January 9th, 2005
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11:53 am - it hurts me
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You and I have been prying you open little by little.
First we did well tho it hurt me to kno,
It hurt me to open u up, and see wut u wanted me to see.
The effort i give and give, u dont aknowledge.
I toyed w/ ur mind as u toyed w/ me.
Now its ur turn to suffer, but i am not like u.
U thought ur could fool me w/ ur mask but
I see you drowing in ur pain, ur worries,
And it hurts me.
I made u feel like shit,
U lie there far away from me
Where i am unable to reach.
I desperatly fight to make u see
I am only trying to do good but
I only hurt u...which...
Hurts me.
I twist and fight against what i cant see.
Your pain, its hurting u!
Tears, cries, nightmares flood my head
I rock my head forward
In screaming wisphers i cry out to you
It hurts me.
Foolish of me thinking i could do it,
I tried to get into ur mind,
Only to tear it apart.
Though my worries, my warmth
Making me human,
Making me unable to go on w/ my plan
I shake my head in disbelief
I lost my strenght in my anger.
It diminishes, slipping away from me
I become only strong in my cares for you,
But ur in ur corner, in a lil ball,
sleeping w/ tears running down ur face.
The wish to wipe them away for u,
To see your smile, your face, your wet eyes
I can't because i am the one who brought them,
So you wont let me take ur pain away.
Your pain unknown to me
It hurts me.
current music: A flock of seagulls "I Ran"
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11:44 am
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Hope suspended from the top of a building
Is chosen to be left that way.
For the risk of dissapointment,
It would be devastating.
A play on words resulted in complete panic,
Running down the empty dark streets,
Worries fill one's head
So much to the point of tears
Streaming down her cheeks.
The rain and her tears, not able to tell the diff
Both roll down into the corner of her mouth.
Twisted knots in her stomach, she waits.
Cold rain trickling down her back
She slowly walks bak...crushed...
current music: Slayer "Raining blood"
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| Friday, October 29th, 2004
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9:11 pm
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Pain is, will, can be taken away. tears will roll and fall. death is to b never picked to be the way out. cries not to be heard. help to be chosen not forced upon. one can only choose. choices are all acceptable but only if possible. sane choices seem posssible. but wen another is chosen the other fades until summoned again and again.
truth unknown
pain planted inside
to be unseen, unheard
rude awakenings to be
believed when it os
acceptable, by another, one
can only rely on the words
spoken, not the truth that
lies inside.
A coward in blood
the sky holds the truth
the emotions the thoughts the actions
the whole package only practically there
flying through no fear
anger leading to tears
no stopping
nothing here but...me
A coward in blood
death, darkness fufilled with life
life, darkness fufilled with tears
no sight, brainwashing with horrid lies
Hatred, irritation
punition qui na rien avoir
A blind man
sight with every step, every breath
blood survives
the will lives
anger leads to violence and the life
that will go on.
current music: papa roach "getting away with murder"
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8:48 pm - Very different
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U leave me tonight to go do whatever the fuck it is that u do,
but u stabbed me deep into my side.
My blood runs from my icy body loosing all feeling
You sucked the life out of me, you whore.
Nothing that i do is good enuf for u.
U always find a way to slip away from me,
For that with my last drop of strength
I would beat the living shit out of u.
I care bout u, and u dont seem to see
Whut the fuck is lying there in front of u.
But i am stronger than wut u thought.
Im not going to let u win, im fighting bak.
As i take the knife u jabbed into me earlier,
i lick the blood off the blade in front of u.
U realize that i wont give up so easily.
I fooled u, and u wont get away w/ nething that u did to me.
In ur mind everything is ok, cannot get worse
And only better which is the truth.
Once things r well between the 2 of us
I will tear ur insides out.
Hurt u as u hurt me.
...and i will love u till the day i die.
current music: lacuna coil "swamped"
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| Monday, October 25th, 2004
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11:16 pm - the corner...
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on the floor in the corner has always been there for me. it took my complaints, my tears, my anger, my hits, my screaming, and my hurt. nothing has ever come close to that corner and tonight i gave it a visit. as always it is never a pleasant visit but wen u need to crumple up into a lil ball and cry it is always there.
to be continued...
current music: dimmu borgir "puritania"
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| Thursday, October 21st, 2004
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11:26 pm - Heart beats none inside a dagger deep within.
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Life~death
Light~Darkness.
No life is to be taken by one who chooses to. Vrai que c'est possible but it's not the way to go.
Listen, Hear it scream to you Hold on.
...for your life.
to be precious.
to be here.
to be someone.
Mistakes are part of the process. Only to end up on a wall where it belongs...as a masterpiece.
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